1st Oct, 2009

I have officially crossed one quarter of my stay in the States. And boy am I glad!

There are other milestones I have covered in this course. I completed 5 years in the software industry. I have completed 2 and a half years in this sucking company. I have made my first Baingan Ka Bharta, have completed my first cross-stitch project. The only thing constant is my voracious devouring of books. That has not changed through the course of time.

I have observed that my reading and writing peaks when I am going through a mental turmoil. I used to be an avid journal writer when I was growing up and trying to fall in love unsuccessfully. I wrote when I competed fiercely in college. I wrote when I pined for a timid little man in college. I wrote when all my friends landed jobs in a leading IT giant and I being academically superior could not crack their written exam. I wrote when I finally made it to the IT company of my dreams. I wrote when I permed my hair and noticed the way that guys started paying me attention. I wrote when I fell in love with one of my team leads. Arguably, that was the most intense emotion I ever felt for anyone. I wrote when it did not work out. I wrote when I started receiving multiple proposals.

I stopped writing when I started going out with a friend who would eventually become my husband. Subconsciously, I had reached the mental state that I was aspiring to reach ever since childhood. I was emotionally secure and content. And I looked forward to each day.

I started writing once I was here. The blanket of comfort that was around me for the past two years seemed to have been destroyed suddenly. I was out in the world trying to survive. I turned to the one thing I knew that had always given me solace. Writing. I am feeling much calmer these days.

My thinking is still muddled. And I am feeling very very lazy. I know this is a sure sign of depression. It is as if I have nothing to look forward to. 9 months seem such a long time. It IS a long time. Whenever I think of that, I feel like taking the flyback. But I am not sure of I would be able to stick to that decision as well. I do not want to cut a sorry figure in front of that idiot manager of mine. I will write pen-pictures of mu colleagues here. Of course I will give each one a nickname. That will probably kill some time. Oh to remember those days when I had friends with whom I shared the pen-pictures.