Down in the Dumps

I had started writing this blog to get over my irrational fear of flying.
I stopped writing about my fear of airplanes within the first couple of posts. After that I kept haranguing about the dull and lonely life that I was getting to spend here - in the States. There were cheerful posts sometimes in between when I watched a good movie or I browsed shopping sites. And now I believe I have hit an all time low.
My doctor confirmed yesterday that my back pain is here to stay. Usually with people who have compression fractures things get to normal within 2 - 3 months. But, in rare cases - like mine, the dynamics of the spine is altered permanently so that I have to be on pain medication and physiotherapy for the rest of my life. I am regretting my life sorely.
All my future plans are messed up and I have to think twice before performing my daily chores. Life has become a burden which I am barely able to carry.
I read a quote somewhere saying 'Just when you think life is falling apart, it may actually be falling in place'. I wish I could believe this. I mean what good has/can come out of my being injured?

Sure, I am not a dancer or sportsman whose immediate career could have been over with my injury. But, what about my starting a family? That is no more a possibility for me let alone a certainty. Even, my life as I knew it has changed beyond belief. I have to calculate and recalculate all of my actions. I am having to depend on anybody and everybody to help me out.

Thinking back, I was not so desperate when I first got injured. I was deeply shocked after the accident and then I was hopeful. Hopeful that I had good days ahead when I would be completely cured and thankful to God that I was alive. In these past three months, I have rebuked God several times as to why He saved me that day. Ignorance is bliss. Now that I know exactly what is in store for me - I look at the future with only apprehension. I have gotten to believe that there is no future for me.

I had lived a normal life and I will not settle for anything less. Lets see where this takes me........