Bhavatarini

Every passing day brings me closer to the day when S will be here with me.
And the worry meter is hitting an all-time high. I am praying to my God to make his journey from India to San Jose smooth and safe. I am not sure when I became a sceptic again, unknowingly. I was just starting on my spiritual enlightment when I was sidetracked with other issues - like my day to day survival here, the impending Thanksgiving vacation etc. Even now, when I see pictures of Ma, tears come to my eyes. When I read about Her, I get goosebumps. But, at such times, I ask myself - do I love her or am I in awe of her?
The goal is to love her more than anything else in the whole world - just like a child loves his/her own mother - completely depending on her to guide us across the ocean of eternity. And I should be praying not only when I want something or am unhappy but also when I am happy and contented. I have yet not achieved the latter. The key is to grab hold of the wandering mind. Various religious and spiritual rituals actually aim at trying to discipline the mind. But most of us get taken up with the steps, the props, the chantings etc. As a very popular Rabindrasangeet goes 'Tomar Pujar Chole Tomar Dure Thaki' - we seek the pretext of the rituals to stay away from God herself.